Articles – Dan Q

Why I Am So Tired

Duration 3:18

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I am tired. For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, diet, and a dozen other maladies. But now I’ve found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of the UK is 69 million¹, of which the latest census has 37 million “of working age”².

According to the latest statistics, 4,215,913 are unemployed³, leaving 32,784,087 people to do all the work.

19.2 million are in full time education⁴, 856,211 in the armed forces⁵, and collectively central, regional, and local government employs 4.987 million⁶. This leaves just 12,727,876 to do all of the real work.

Long term disabilities affect 6.9 million⁷. 393,000 are on visas that prohibit them from working⁸, and 108,085⁹ are working their way through the asylum process.

Of the remaining 339,791 people, a hundred thousand are in prison¹⁰ and 239,789 are in hospital¹¹.

That leaves just two people to do all the work that keeps this country on its feet.

You and me.

And you’re sitting reading this.

This joke originally appeared aeons ago. I first saw it in a chain email in around 1996¹², when I adapted it from a US-centric version to a more British one and re-circulated it among some friends… taking the same kinds of liberties with the numbers that are required to make the gag work.

And now I’ve updated it with some updated population statistics¹³.

Footnotes

¹ Source: Provisional population estimate for the UK: mid-2025, Office for National Statistics.

² Source: Working age population, gov.uk.

³ Source: Unemployment, Office for National Statistics.

⁴ Source: Statistica for all the children, plus FE students from Education and training statistics for the UK, gov.uk, with some rounding.

⁵ Source: Hansard, here, plus other sources from the same time period.

⁶ Source: this informative article.

⁷ Source: UK disability statistics: Prevalence and life experiences, House of Commons Library.

⁸ Source: Reason for international migration, international students update: May 2025, Office for National Statistics.

⁹ Source: How many people claim asylum in the UK?, gov.uk.

¹⁰ Source: Prison population: weekly estate figures 2025, gov.uk.

¹¹ Source: Bed Availability and Occupancy, Hansard Library.

¹² In fact, I rediscovered it while looking through an old email backup from 1997, which inspired this blog post.

¹³ Using the same dodgy arithmetic, cherry-picking, double-counting, wild over-estimations, and hand-waving nonsense. Obviously this is a joke. Oh god, is somebody on the satire-blind Internet of 2026 going to assume any of these numbers are believable? (They’re not.) Or think I’m making some kind of political point? (I’m not.) What a minefield we live in, nowadays.

Visualising Forged In The Dark probabilities

I was having trouble visualising the dice probabilities for some Forged in the Dark-based¹ RPGs², so I drew myself a diagram. I don’t know who, if anybody, would be interested in such a thing other than me… but that’s why we put these things online, right?

The general idea for Forged in the Dark action resolution is that you throw a number of six-sided dice representative of your chance of success³. You look at the highest value rolled in your dice pool, typically with most or all of the following effects:

1-3: Failure – depending on the circumstances you might be able to try again (with greater risk) and/or suffer some kind of consequence (a “harm” or “complication”).
4-5: Limited success – you succeed, but with come kind of consequence.
6: Success – you succeed!
Multiple 6s: Critical – you succeed, and it’s more-effective than you’d hoped or you gain some other benefit⁴.

If you’re playing Blades in the Dark or another Forged in the Dark-based game and find it useful to visualise how likely you are to get screwed-over by the dice… you’re welcome!

Footnotes

¹ Forged in the Dark is the name of the permissively-licensed SRD originally used for fantasy RPG Blades in the Dark, but it’s been used in plenty of other places too where its relatively fast-and-loose mechanics are best-suited. Sharp-eyed readers might have noticed this come up in a repost from last week, too…

² I may or may not be considering Forged in the Dark as the engine for a prototype RPG environment I’ve been half-heartedly constructing this winter…

³ A task for which you’ve prepared and have trained, in an area in which you’re skilled, and for which you’re well-equipped (e.g. an accomplished thief takes the time to carefully pick a basic lock using fine tools) is likely to involve rolling more dice than a less-fortunate individual.

⁴ I’m hugely grateful to AnyDice for helping with these calculations. Did you know that you need to be rolling ten six-sided dice before it becomes more-likely-than-not that there’ll be a double-six somewhere in there?

Roomscale VR Still Rocks

Over the Christmas break I dug out my old HTC Vive VR gear, which I got way back in the Spring of 2016. Graphics card technology having come a long way¹, it was now relatively simple to set up a fully-working “holodeck” in our living room with only a slight risk to the baubles on the Christmas tree.

For our younger child, this was his first experience of “roomscale VR”, which I maintain is the most magical thing about this specific kind of augmented reality. Six degrees of freedom for your head and each of your hands provides the critical level of immersion, for me.

And you know what: this ten-year-old hardware of mine still holds up and is still awesome!²

The kids and I have spent a few days dipping in and out of classics like theBlu, Beat Saber, Job Simulator, Vacation Simulator, Raw Data, and (in my case³) Half-Life: Alyx.

A tweenage girl in a black 'Hazbin Hotel' hoodie wears a VR headset; the screen behind her shows that she's drawn a picture featuring a rainbow background and the word 'CAR', while playing Job Simulator. — It doesn’t feel *too* heavy, but this first edition Vive sure is a *big* beast, isn’t it?

I’m moderately excited by the upcoming Steam Frame with its skinny headset, balanced weight, high-bandwidth wireless connectivity, foveated streaming, and built-in PC for basic gaming… but what’s with those controllers? Using AA batteries instead of a built-in rechargeable one feels like a step backwards, and the lack of a thumb “trackpad” seems a little limiting too. I’ll be waiting to see the reviews, thanks.

When I looked back at my blog to double-check that my Vive really is a decade old, I was reminded that I got it in the same month at Three Rings‘ 2016 hackathon, then called “DevCamp”, near Tintern⁴. This amused me, because I’m returning to Tintern this year, too, although on family holiday rather than Three Rings business. Maybe I’ll visit on a third occasion in another decade’s time, following another round of VR gaming?

Footnotes

¹ The then-high-end graphics card I used to use to drive this rig got replaced many years ago… and then that replacement card in turn got replaced recently, at which point it became a hand-me-down for our media centre PC in the living room.

² I’ve had the Vive hooked-up in the office since our house move in 2020, but there’s rarely been space for roomscale play there: just an occasional bit of Elite: Dangerous at my desk… which is still a good application of VR, but not remotely the same thing as being able to stand up and move around!

³ I figure Alyx be a little scary/intense for the kids, but I could be wrong. I think the biggest demonstration of how immersive the game can be in VR is the moment when you see how somebody can watch it played on the big screen and be fine but as soon as they’re in the headset and a combine zombie has you pinned-down in a railway carriage and it’s suddenly way too much!

⁴ Where, while doing a little geocaching, I messed-up a bonus cache’s coordinate calculation, realised my mistake, brute-forced the possible answers, narrowed it down to two… and then picked the wrong one and fell off a cliff.

Egg and Dispatch

I’ve found myself, unusually, with enough free time for videogaming this Christmas period. As a result I’ve played – and loved enough to play to completion – not one but two games that I’d like to recommend to you!

Egg

Egg, released last month by Terry Cavanagh, is a frustrating but satisfying 3D puzzle platformer playable for free on the Web or downloadable for a variety of platforms.

It’s not quite a “rage game”, because it’s got copious checkpoints, but it will cause at least a little frustration as you perform challenging timed jumps to deliver each of your six eggs to suitable nests hidden throughout the map. But I enjoyed it: it was never too hard, and it always felt like my hard work was paid-off in satisfying ways.

I probably spent a little over an hour lost in its retro aesthetic, and was delighted to do so: maybe you should give it a go too.

Dispatch

You probably don’t need me to introduce you to Dispatch, from AdHoc Studio, because the Internet has gone wild over it and rightly. Available for PlayStation and Steam, it’s a narrative-driven multi-pathed game that straddles both storytelling and strategic resource management mechanics.

And it does the best job I’ve seen at making it feel like your choices matter since Pentiment. Perhaps longer.

For the bits in-between the strategy layer, the quicktime events, and the dialogue choices, the game seamlessly slips into pre-rendered video that provides a best-in-class “interactive movie” experience.

The story is well-written and wonderfully voice-acted: I’d have absolutely been happy to watch this “superhero workplace comedy” as a TV show! But the way it has you second-guessing your choices and your priorities every step of the way significantly adds to the experience.

It only took about 8-10 hours of my time, spread over two or three sessions, but it’s very “episodic” so if – like me – you need to be able to dip in and out of games (when life gets in the way) it’s still a great choice. And there’s some replay-value too: I’m definitely going to run through it a second time.

So if you’ve got at-least-as-much space for videogaming in your life as I do (which isn’t a high bar), those are my two “hot picks” for the season.

Actually, Yes! (that IS what my birth certificate says)

Duration 5:25

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I’ve been going by the name Dan Q for almost 19 years… so like two-thirds of my adult life. I haven’t even needed to show a deed poll to anybody in over a decade¹

But just sometimes, somebody asks² “Yeah, but what does your birth certificate say?”

It didn’t used to say “Dan Q”, but nowadays… yes, that’s exactly what my birth certificate says.

Y’see, I was born in Scotland, and Scottish law – in contrast to the law of England & Wales⁴ – permits a change of name to recorded retroactively for folks whose births (or adoptions) were registered there.

And so, after considering it for a few months, I filled out an application form, wrote an explanatory letter to help the recipient understand that yes, I’d already changed my name but was just looking for modify a piece of documentation, and within a few weeks I was holding an updated birth certificate. It was pretty easy.

I flip-flopped on the decision for a while. Not only is it a functionally-pointless gesture – there’s no doubt what my name is! – but I was also concerned about what it implies.

Am I trying to deny that I ever went by a different name? Am I trying to disassociate myself from my birth family? (No, and no, obviously.)

But it “feels right”. And as a bonus: I now know my way around yet another way for (some) Brits to change their names. Thanks to my work at FreeDeedPoll.org.uk I get an increasing amount of email from people looking for help with their name changes, and now I’ve got first-hand experience of an additional process that might be a good choice for some people, some of the time⁵.

Footnotes

¹ By the time you’ve got your passport, driving license, bank account, bills etc. in your name, there’s really no need to be able to prove that you changed it. What it is is more-important anyway.

² Usually with the same judgemental tone of somebody who insists that one’s “real” name is the one assigned closest to birth.

³ If you’re zooming in on the details on that birth certificate and thinking “Hang on, he told me he was an Aquarius but this date would make him a Capricon?”, then I’ve got news for you about that too.

⁴ Pedants might like to enjoy using the comments to point out the minority of circumstances under which a birth certificate can be modified retroactively – potentially including name changes – under English law.

⁵ I maintain that a free, home-made deed poll is the easiest and cheapest way to change your name, as a British citizen, and that’s exactly what FreeDeedPoll.org.uk helps people produce… and since its relaunch it does its processing entirely in-browser, which is totally badass from both a hosting and a user privacy perspective.

For anyone who :has :not yet seen the magic of modern CSS

Modern CSS is freakin’ amazing. Widespread support for nesting, variables, :has, and :not has unlocked so much potential. But I don’t yet see it used widely enough.

Suppose I have a form where I’m expecting, but not requiring, a user to choose an option from each of several drop-downs. I want to make it more visually-obvious which drop-downs haven’t yet had an option selected. Something like this:

<select name="guess[69427976b65e3]">
  <option></option>
  <option value="1">First answer</option>
  <option value="2">Second answer</option>
  <option value="3">Third answer</option>
</select>

This is close to an actual example generated as part of a Christmas quiz game I made the other year, and dusted off recently.

Suppose I want to style that <select> when the first, default, “empty” option is selected.

That could be as simple as this:

select:has(option:not([value]):checked) {
  outline: 6px dotted red;
}

It’s a slightly gnarly selector, but thanks to nesting you could choose to break it into multiple blocks if you preferred.

What that’s saying is:

a <select>
- that contains an <option>
  - where that <option> does not have a value="..."
  - and that <option> is currently selected
gains a dotted red outline around it

Or in short: if the default option is selected, highlight it so the user knows they haven’t chosen a value yet. Sweet!

Animation showing a select box which receives a dotted red border each time its 'blank' first value is selected. — Obviously you could expand this to have different effects for *every* value, if you wanted.

I can’t understate how valuable it is that we can do this in CSS, nowadays. Compared to doing it in JavaScript… CSS gives better performance and reliability and is much easier to implement in a progressively-enhanced manner.

Here’s another example, this time using a fun “dress-up Dan” feature I from a redesign of my blog theme that I’m hoping to launch in the New Year:

If you’ve ever wanted to know what I’d look like if I were an elderly Tom Scott, my new design will answer that question!

Every single bit of interactivity shown in the video above… from the “waving” Dan to the popup menu to the emoji-styled checkboxes to the changes to t-shirt and hair colours… is implemented in CSS.

The underlying HTML is all semantic, e.g. the drop-down menu is a <details>/<summary> pair (with thanks to Eevee for the inspiration); its contents are checkbox and radiobutton <input>es; the images are SVGs that use CSS variables (another killer feature these years!) to specify colours (among other things), and virtually everything else… is CSS.

Consider this:

:root {
  /* Default values for Dan's t-shirt, hair, and beard colours used throughout the site: */
  --dan-tshirt: #c3d4d7;
  --dan-hair: #3b6f8f;
  --dan-beard: #896a51;

  /* ...more variables... */
}

/* When the page contains a "checked" checkbox, update some variables: */
:root:has(#dan-tshirt-color-white:checked)  { --dan-tshirt: #c3d4d7; }
:root:has(#dan-tshirt-color-purple:checked) { --dan-tshirt: #7429a8; }
/* ... */
:root:has(#dan-hair-color-natural:checked)  {   --dan-hair: #896a51; }
:root:has(#dan-hair-color-blue:checked)     {   --dan-hair: #3b6f8f; }

/* When "dye beard" is checked, copy the hair colour: */
:root:has(#dan-dye-beard-toggle:checked)    {  --dan-beard: var(--dan-hair); }

The ability to set :root CSS variables, based on the status of user-controlled elements like checkboxes within the document, unlocks amazing options for interactivity. It also works in smaller scopes like HTML Web Components, of course, for encapsulated functionality.

If you’re still using JavaScript for things like this, perhaps it’s time you looked at how much CSS has grown up this last decade or so. CSS gives you performance benefits, less fragility, and makes it easier for you to meet your accessibility and usability goals.

You can still enrich what you create with JavaScript if you like (I’ve got a few lines of JS that save those checkbox states to localStorage so they persist through page loads, for example).

But a CSS-based approach moves more of your functionality from the “nice to have” to “core” column. And that’s something we can all get behind, right?

CSS Lightbox with Alt Text Viewer

Rather I show you than tell you? Here’s a demo page.

Right now, my blog uses a CSS-based approach using anchors and the <dialog> element to make “lightbox” images work, but I plan to replace this soon with a similar approach that uses the <details> and <summary> elements to provide a more semantically-sound and accessible approach¹.

An additional thing I wanted to implement – again, for the next version of my blog’s theme – was an “alt text viewer”. Mastodon has one, and it’s excellent². Mastodon’s viewer requires JavaScript, but I was inspired when I saw James come up with a CSS-based version that used a re-styled checkbox.

But I wanted to do one better. Displaying alt text, too, seems like an example of what would semantically be best-represented by a <details>/<summary> pair.

Clicking on the image shows a larger version in a lightbox; clicking on the ‘alt’ button shows the alt text… all in semantic HTML and vanilla CSS.³

My first attempt tried to put the alt-text widget inside the <summary> of the original image, but that’s an accessibility no-no, so instead I wrap both <details> blocks (the lightbox, and the alt-text revealer) inside a container and then reposition the latter over the former. The rest is all the same kinds of tricks I demonstrated previously, to ensure that you can click in-and-out of both in an intuitive way and that keyboard navigation works as you’d expect.

I can’t use it on my blog yet (because if I do, it’ll probably break horribly when I add the functionality to my entire theme, later!), but I’ve put together a demonstration page that showcases the technique, plus a GitHub repo with all of the code (which is all public domain/unlicensed). Go have a play and tell me what you think!

Footnotes

¹ As a secondary goal, using <details>/<summary> means that it’ll behave better when CSS is disabled or unavailable, which’ll make it easier to celebrate Naked CSS Day!

² Why would I, a sighted person, need an alt text viewer, you ask? All kinds of reasons. Good alt text is for everybody, and can help by providing context, e.g. “explaining” the joke or identifying the probably-well-known-but-I-didn’t-recognise-them subject of a photo. Here’s some more reasons.

³ If you love owls and you love accessibility, this is the kind of example you should give a hoot about.

DOCTYPE

This weekend, I received my copy of DOCTYPE, and man: it feels like a step back to yesteryear to type in a computer program from a magazine: I can’t have done that in at least thirty years.

So yeah, DOCTYPE is a dead-tree (only) medium magazine containing the source code to 10 Web pages which, when typed-in to your computer, each provide you with some kind of fun and interactive plaything. Each of the programs is contributed by a different author, including several I follow and one or two whom I’m corresponded with at some point or another, and each brings their own personality and imagination to their contribution.

I opted to start with Stuart Langridge‘s The Nine Pyramids, a puzzle game about trying to connect all nodes in a 3×3 grid in a continuous line bridging adjacent (orthogonal or diagonal) nodes without visiting the same node twice nor moving in the same direction twice in a row (that last provision is described as “not visiting three in a straight line”, but I think my interpretation would have resulted in simpler code: I might demonstrate this, down the line!).

Open magazine showing program code in front of a screen showing a text editor and the running program. — The puzzle actually made me stop to think about it for a bit, which was unexpected and pleasing!

Per tradition with this kind of programming, I made a couple of typos, the worst of which was missing an entire parameter in a CSS conic-gradient() which resulted in the majority of the user interface being invisible: whoops! I found myself reminded of typing-in the code for Werewolves and Wanderer from The Amazing Amstrad Omnibus, whose data section – the part most-liable to be affected by a typographic bug without introducing a syntax error – had a helpful “checksum” to identify if a problem had occurred, and wishing that such a thing had been possible here!

But thankfully a tiny bit of poking in my browser’s inspector revealed the troublesome CSS and I was able to complete the code, and then the puzzle.

I’ve really been enjoying DOCTYPE, and you can still buy a copy if you’d like one of your own. It manages to simultaneously feel both fresh and nostalgic, and that’s really cool.

Pushing RSS to WhatsApp (for free?)

I’m always keen to experiment with new ways to subscribe to my blog. Obviously RSS is the best and everybody who can use it should. But some people, for their own reasons¹, prefer to learn about updates to their favourite sites via the Fediverse, or Facebook, or Telegram, or… I don’t know… LiveJournal or something (yes, those are all places you can follow this blog, if you really wanted to).

But I’m pretty sure there are some people who’d rather receive updates to my blog via WhatsApp. And now, they can. Here’s how I set up an RSS-to-WhatsApp gateway, in case you want to run one of your own².

Prerequisites

You will need:

A GitHub account – a free one is fine
A Whapi account connected to your WhatsApp account³ – when you set up an account you’ll get a free trial; when it ends you need to find the link to say that you want to carry on with the free tier (or upgrade to the paid tier if you expect to send more messages than the free tier’s limit)
A WhatsApp channel to which you want to push your RSS feed: I’d recommend that you make a newsletter (from the Updates tab in WhatsApp, press the kekab menu then Create Channel) rather than a traditional group: groups are designed for multiple people to talk and discuss and everybody can see one another’s identity, but a newsletter keeps everybody’s identity private and only allows the administrator(s) permission to post updates.

Instructions

Fork the Dan-Q/rss-to-whapi.cloud repository into your own GitHub account.
In Settings > Secrets and Variables > Actions, add two new Repository Secrets:
- WHATSAPP_API_TOKEN: set to the token on your Whapi dashboard
- WHATSAPP_CHANNEL: set to your newsletter ID (will look like 123456789012345678@newsletter) or group ID (will look like 123456789012345678@g.us): you can get this from the Newsletters or Groups section of Whapi by executing a test GET /newsletters or GET /groups request⁴.
Make a feeds.json file (a feeds.json.example is provided as a guide) containing the URLs of the RSS feeds you’d like to subscribe to.
Do a test run: from the Actions tab select the “Process feeds” action and click “Run workflow”. If it finishes successfully (and you get the WhatsApp message), you’re done! If it fails, click on the failed action and drill-in to the failed task to see the error message and correct accordingly.

By default, the processor will run on-demand and every 30 minutes, but you can modify that in .github/workflows/process-feeds.yml. It’s configured to send the single oldest un-sent item in any of the RSS feeds it’s subscribed to, on each run (it tracks which ones it’s sent already by their guids, in a "seen": [...] array in feeds.json): sending a single link per run ensures that WhatsApp’s link previews work as expected. At that rate, you could theoretically run it once every 10 minutes and never hit the 150-messages-per-day limit of Whapi’s free tier⁵), but you’ll want to work out your own optimal rate based on the anticipated update frequency of your feeds and the number of RSS-to-WhatsApp channels you’re running.

You can, of course, run it on your own infrastructure in a similar way. Just check out the repository to your local system with Ruby 3.2+ running, run bundle to install the dependencies, then set up a cron job or some other automation to run ./process_feeds.rb. Doing this could be used to hook it up to your RSS feed updating pipeline, for example, to check for new feed items right after a new post is published.

Footnotes

¹ Their own incomprehensible, illogical, weird reasons.

² I hope that the title gives it away, but you can do this completely for free. So long as you keep your fork of the GitHub repository open-source then you can run GitHub Actions for free, and so long as you’re pushing out no more than 150 updates per day to no more than 5 different channels in a month then you can do it within Whapi’s free tier: that’s probably fine for a personal blogger, and there’s a reasonable pricing structure (plus some value-added extras) for companies that want to use this same workflow as part of a grander WhatsApp offering.

³ Setting this up requires giving Whapi access to your WhatsApp account. If you don’t like the security implications of that, you could get a cheap eSIM, set that up with WhatsApp, and use that account: if you do this, just remember to “warm up” your new WhatsApp account with some conversations with yourself so it doesn’t look so much like a spammer! Also note that the way Whapi works “uses up” one of the ~4 devices on which you can simultaneously use WhatsApp Web/WhatsApp Desktop etc.

⁴ Prefer the command-line? So long as you’ve got curl and jq then you can get a list of your newsletters (or groups) and their IDs with curl -H 'Authorization: Bearer YOUR_API_TOKEN' -H 'accept: application/json' https://gate.whapi.cloud/newsletters?count=100 | jq '.newsletters[] | { id: .id, name: .name }' or curl -H 'Authorization: Bearer YOUR_API_TOKEN' -H 'accept: application/json' https://gate.whapi.cloud/groups?count=100 | jq '.groups[] | { id: .id, name: .name }', respectively.

⁵ Going beyond the free tier would require sending one message, on average, every 9 minutes and 36 seconds.

Postcards… from the Internet!

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about setting up a PO Box and adding postal mail to the ways you can contact me. I went for a “pay as you go” PO Box because I didn’t know if anybody would actually use it, but I’ve already received two delightful postcards and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

The first postcard came from Florence, whom I’d met on a forum where I’d helped them repair a troublesome RSS feed¹.

The second postcard was from Rhys, whose guestbook I dropped a comment into after spotting that his 50 Before I’m 50 list contained a wish to learn a “genuinely cool magic trick”, for which I had a suggestion².

The PO Box worked very well: I’m using UK Postbox principally because of their “pay as you go” rate (with a free tier in case you don’t receive any mail at all, which I figured was a risk) but I was later pleased to discover they’re a nice company in other ways, too. They scan the outside/one side of my mail as it arrives and I can optionally pay to scan the whole thing and/or to bundle and forward it on to me³.

I’ve started a new page to collect all the cards, including a (hopefully pretty-accessible) CSS-powered interactive “flipper” so you can turn them over, and I’m hopeful that I might attract a few more as time goes on. Getting physical mail from “Internet friends” helps make the digital world feel a little bit smaller, and I love it.

(If you’d like to send me a postcard too, I’d be so very grateful!)

Footnotes

¹ Florence’s RSS feed was missing a <![CDATA[ ... ]]> block around some embedded HTML, which was causing the HTML to be evaluated “as if” it were XML, which – not being XHTML – it failed to do.

² My suggestion was a variation of Derek Dingle’s Too Many Cards that I’ve been performing all over the place: it’s an immensely satisfying trick to perform, requiring a challenging but achievable set of sleights and suitable to do without preparation and using a borrowed deck, which is pretty much the gold standard in card magic.

³ I’ve opted to have it forwarded: I’m wondering if I can combine all the postcards I get into a single poster frame or something: maybe a double-sided one so the whole thing can be flipped to show the text, not just the fronts?

I guess I’m never paying DreamHost back

About twenty years ago, after a a tumultuous life, Big.McLargeHuge – the shared server of several other Abnibbers and I – finally and fatally kicked the bucket. I spun up its replacement, New.McLargeHuge, on hosting company DreamHost, and this blog (and many other sites) moved over to it¹.

I only stayed with DreamHost for a few years before switching to Bytemark, with whom I was a loyal customer right up until a few years ago², but in that time I took advantage of DreamHost’s “Refer & Earn” program, which allowed me to create referral codes that, if redeemed by others who went on to become paying customers, would siphon off a fraction of the profits as a “kickback” against my server bills. Neat!³

A year or so after I switched to ByteMark, DreamHost decided I owed them money: probably because of a “quirk” in their systems. I disagreed with their analysis, so I ignored their request. They “suspended” my account (which I wasn’t using anyway), and that was the end of it.

Right?

But the referral fees continued to trickle in. For the last seventeen years, I’ve received a monthly email advising me that my account had been credited, off the back of a referral.

About once a year I log in and check the balance. I was quite excited to discover that, at current rates, they’d consider me “paid-up” for my (alleged) debt by around Spring 2026!

I had this whole plan that I’d write a blog post about it when the time came. It could’ve been funny!

But it’s not to be: DreamHost emailed me last night to tell me that they’re killing their “Refer & Earn” program; replacing it with something different-but-incompatible (social media’s already having a grumble about this, I gather).

So I guess this is the only blog post you’ll get about “that time DreamHost decided I owed them money and I opted to pay them back in my referral fees over the course of eighteen years”.

No big loss.

Footnotes

¹ At about the same time I moved Three Rings over from its previous host, Easily, to DreamHost too, in order to minimise the number of systems I had to keep an eye on. Oh, how different things are now, when I’ve got servers and domain registrations and DNS providers all over the damn place!

² Bytemark have rapidly gone downhill since their acquisition by Iomart a while back, IMHO.

³ Nowadays, this blog (and several of my other projects) is hosted by Linode, whose acquisition by Akamai seems not to have caused any problems with, so that’s fab.

Beige Buttons

Back before PCs were black, they were beige. And even further back, they’d have not only “Reset” and “Power” buttons, but also a “Turbo” button.

I’m not here to tell you what it did¹. No, I’m here to show you how to re-live those glory days with a Turbo button of your very own, implemented as a reusable Web Component that you can install on your very own website:

If you’d like some beige buttons of your own, you can get them at Beige-Buttons.DanQ.dev. Two lines of code and you can pop them on any website you like. Also, it’s open-source under the Unlicense so you can take it, break it, or do what you like with it.

I’ve been slumming it in some Web Revivalist circles lately, and it might show. Best Resolution (with all its 88×31s²), which I launched last month, for example.

You might anticipate seeing more retro fun-and-weird going on here. You might be right.

Close-up photo of a computer with reset and turbo buttons in the style mirrored by my component. — This photo was my primary inspiration for the design of these buttons. I’m pretty sure I had a case of this design once! This photo courtesy Rainer Knäpper, used under the Free Art License.

Now… be honest – how many of you pressed the “reset” button even though you were told not to?

Footnotes

¹ If you know, you know. And if you don’t, then take a look at the website for my new web component, which has an “about” section.

² I guess that’s another “if you know, you know”, but at least you’ll get fewer conflicting answers if you search for an explanation than you will if you try to understand the turbo button.

How I Learned the Pythagorean Theorem

The younger child and I were talking about maths on the school run this morning, and today’s topic was geometry. I was pleased to discover that he’s already got a reasonable comprehension of the Pythagorean Theorem¹: I was telling him that I was about his age when I first came across it, but in my case I first had a practical, rather than theoretical, impetus to learn it.

It was the 1980s, and I was teaching myself Dr. Logo, Digital Research‘s implementation of the Logo programming language (possibly from this book). One day, I was writing a program to draw an indoor scene, including a window through which a mountain would be visible. My aim was to produce something like this:

All of these graphics were made using my own 2019 implementation of Logo, TRRTL.COM: click on any graphic to continue drawing!

My window was 300 “steps”² tall by 200 steps wide and bisected in both directions when I came to make my first attempt at the mountain.

And so, naively, starting from the lower-left, I thought I’d need some code like this:

RIGHT 45
FORWARD 100
RIGHT 90
FORWARD 100

But what I ended up with was this:

Hypotenuse? More like need-another-try-potenuse.

I instantly realised my mistake: of course the sides of the mountain would need to be longer so that the peak would reach the mid-point of the window and the far side would hit its far corner. But how much longer ought it to be.

I intuited that the number I’d be looking for must be greater than 100 but less than 250: these were, logically, the bounds I was working within. 100 would be correct if my line were horizontal (a “flat” mountain?), and 250 was long enough to go the “long way” to the centrepoint of the window (100 along, and 150 up). So I took a guess at 150 and… it was pretty close… but still wrong:

I remember being confused and frustrated that the result was so close but still wrong. The reason, of course, is that the relationship between the lengths of the sides of a triangle don’t scale in a 1:1 way, but this was the first time I found myself having to think about why.

So I found my mother and asked her what I was doing wrong. I’m sure it must have delighted her to dust-off some rarely-accessed knowledge from her own school years and teach me about Pythagoras’!

The correct answer, of course, is given by:

\sqrt{100^{2} + 100^{2}}

I so rarely get to use MathML that I had to look up the syntax.

The answer, therefore, is… 141.421 (to three decimal places). So I rounded to 141 and my diagram worked!³

What made this maths lesson from my mother so memorable was that it fed a tangible goal. I had something I wanted to achieve, and I learned the maths that I needed to get there. And now it’s impermeably etched onto my brain.

I learned the quadratic equation formula and how to perform algebraic integration by rote, and I guarantee that it’s less well-established in my long-term memory than, say, the sine and cosine rules or how to solve a simultaneous equation because I’ve more-often needed to do those things outside of the classroom!

So I guess the lesson is that I should be trying to keep an eye out for practical applications of maths that I can share with my kids. Real problems that are interesting to solve, to help build the memorable grounding that latter supports the more-challenging and intangible abstract maths that they may wish to pursue later.

Both kids are sharp young mathematicians, and the younger one seems especially to enjoy it, so feeding that passion feels well-worthwhile. Perhaps I should show them TRRTL.COM so they can try their hand at Logo!

Footnotes

¹ You know the one: the square of the triangle’s hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides. You could conceivably know it by some other mnemonic, but the essence is that if you know the lengths of two sides of any right-angled triangle, you can derive the length of the third with some moderately-simple arithmetic.

² Just one way that Logo is/was a cute programming language was its use of “steps” – as in, turtle-steps – to measure distances. You might approximate them as pixels, but a “step” has meaning even for lines that don’t map linearly to pixels because they’re at wonky angles, for example.

³ I’d later become unstuck by rounding, while trying to make a more-complex diagram with a zig-zag pattern running along a ribbon: a small rounding error became compounded over a long time and lead to me being a couple of pixels off where I intended. But that’s another story.

Are you closer to Ireland or Scotland?

I nerdsniped myself today when, during a discussion on the potential location of a taekwondo tournament organised by our local martial arts school, somebody claimed that Scotland would be “nearer” than Ireland.

But the question got me thinking:

Could I plot a line across Great Britain, showing which parts are closer to Scotland and which parts are closer to Ireland?

If the England-facing Irish and Scottish borders were completely straight, one could simply extend the borders until they meet, bisect the angle, and we’d be done.

In reality, the border between England and Scotland is a winding mess, shaped by 700 years of wars and treaties¹. Treating the borders as straight lines is hopelessly naive.

What I’m really looking for… is a Voronoi partition…

Animation showing colours gradually expanding from points on a plane, carving out borders along their edges. — Voronoi diagrams are pretty, and cool, and occasionally even useful! This one expands from points, but there’s no reason you can’t expand from a line (line a border!) instead.

My Python skills are pretty shit, but it’s the best tool for the job for geohacking². And so, through a combination of hacking, tweaking, and crying, I was able to throw together a script that produces a wonderful slightly-wiggly line up the country.

Once you’ve bisected England in this way – into parts that are “closer to Ireland” versus parts that are “closer to Scotland”, you start to spot all kinds of interesting things³.

Like: did you know that the entire subterranean part of the Channel Tunnel is closer to Scotland than it is to Ireland… except for the ~2km closest to the UK exit.

A little further North: London’s six international airports are split evenly across the line, with Luton, Stansted and Southend closer to Scotland… and City, Heathrow and Gatwick closer to Ireland.

The line then pretty-much bisects Milton Keynes, leaving half its population closer to Scotland and half closer to Ireland, before doing the same to Daventry, before – near Sutton Coldfield – it drives right through the middle of the ninth hole of the golf course at the Lea Marston Hotel.

Players tee off closer to Ireland and – unless they really slice it – their ball lands closer to Scotland:

In Cannock, it bisects the cemetery, dividing the graves into those on the Scottish half and those in the Irish half:

The line crosses the Welsh border at the River Dee, East of Wrexham, leaving a narrow sliver of Wales that’s technically closer to Scotland than it is to Ireland, running up the coastline from Connah’s Quay to Prestatyn and going as far inland as Mold before – as is the case in most of Wales – you’re once again closer to Ireland:

I’d never have guessed that there were any parts of Wales that were closer to Scotland than they were to Ireland, but the map doesn’t lie⁴

Anyway: that’s how I got distracted, today. And along the way I learned a lot about geodata encoding, a little about Python, and a couple of surprising things about geography⁵.

Footnotes

¹ Not to mention the crazy history of places like Berwick-upon-Tweed, which has jumped the border several times, and Ba Green, ownership of which has traditionally been decided by game of football.

² Or, at least: it’s the one that’s most-widely used and so I could find lots of helpful StackOverflow answers when I got stuck!

³ Interesting… if you’re specifically looking for some geographical trivia, that is!

⁴ Okay, the map lies a little. My program was only simple so it plotted everything on a flat plane, failing to accommodate for Earth’s curvature. The difference is probably marginal, but if you happen to live on or very close to the red line, you might need to do your own research!

⁵ Like: Chester and Rugby are closer to Scotland than they are to Ireland, and Harpenden and Towcester are closer to Ireland than they are to Scotland! Who knew?

Send Me a Postcard!

Last month I was on em’s personal site, where I discovered their contact page lists not only the usual methods (email addresses, socials, contact forms etc.) but also a postal address¹: how cool is that‽ I could have written in their guestbook… but obviously I took the option to send a postcard instead!

Now I’ve set up a PO Box of my own, and I’ve love it if you feel up to saying “hi” via a postcard². As a bonus, it’s more-likely to get through than anything that has to face-off against my spam filter!

So, if you want to send me a letter or postcard (no parcels, nothing that needs a signature), my address is:

Dan Q
Unit 159610
PO Box 7169
Poole
BH15 9EL
United Kingdom

The usual other contact methods still work, of course.

Footnotes

¹ The postal address em uses is a PO Box, for solid safety/anonymity reasons, and/or perhaps to facilitate house moves.

² I’ve only ever received unsolicited postal mail from Internet acquaintances once, I think – a hashcard from a fellow geohasher called Fippe – and it nowadays sits proudly on my wall.